His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
