sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
