i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize