Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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