we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
