i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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