you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
