So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
