How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
