Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
