Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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