I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
