we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
