would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
