What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
