How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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