i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
