Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
