I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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