bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
