Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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