Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
