how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
