I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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