I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
