I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
