I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
