that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
