he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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