i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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