i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
