there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
