people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
