As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
