have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize