yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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