i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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