YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
