my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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