Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
