Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
