Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
