Ambien. No doubt about it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
