Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
