So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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