im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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