My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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