dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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