So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My dick has a subreddit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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