Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
