Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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