I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
