i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
