So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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