cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
