farters have to be the big spoon...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
