I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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