I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
