Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
