I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
