So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
