I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
