Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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