im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
