sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
