we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
