We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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