Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
