I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
