Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
