I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize