I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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